Why Link Doesn't Date
by LittleDragonNeko
Summary: Navi and Tatl are forcing Link to go on dates. Soon we'll realize why he chooses not to. Chapter 6 coming soon! Taking ideas and tallies for the next possible girlfriend.
1. It Starts

Ice: So I had this idea and I'm just going to run with it. It sounded great in my head, but I'm not quite sure. I don't own anything. I'm literally broke unfortunately.

* * *

One warm Hylian afternoon, a sleeping Link was jolted awake by his fairy companions.

"For a hero, you sure are lazy," said an irritated Tatl.

"It's about time someone noticed what I had to deal with. I had to force him awake to save the princess last time," responded Navi.

Even though Link had returned to his home in the Kokiri Forest, Tatl decided to go with him and leave her home in Termina. The two fairies often scolded the boy for his laziness. Link felt he deserved some time off after saving Princess Zelda for what seemed like the millionth time. The fairies felt differently about it.

"Lay off will you? Hyrule's safe once again anyway. Let me sleep," fussed Link.

"No. You know what you need?" asked Navi.

"To catch you in a jar and toss it in the lake?"

"How dare you after all I've helped you with?!"

"Help? Right. If that's what you call it these days."

"You need a girlfriend."

"Yeah, I need a girl-what?!"

"I think so too. Go on a few dates, find the one that's right for you. Ta daa! Cure for laziness," agreed Tatl.

"I'm not going out with random girls…"

"They don't have to be random. What about that cute ranch girl? Malon?" Navi suggested.

"Umm… No way."

"What about the cute forest girl you're always with?" said Tatl.

"Saria? She wouldn't go out with me…"

"We can always go talk to Ruto for you," said the two fairies together.

"No! Anything, but that! I'll do anything!" howled Link.

"Alright then. Start asking some girls out now. It's for your own good," Navi demanded as usual.

"Ok… Why do I feel like this is really a bad idea and I'm going to pay for it?"

"Guys usually do pay. Get over it and cheer up. You're not doomed…yet…," Tatl joked.

"Yet…"

* * *

Ice: I have a list of girls, but if there is someone you think should be added, tell me and I'll see if it's on my list. If not, I'll add it. I'm picking people at random so far. I'm open to any and all suggestions at the moment.


	2. Malon

Ice: Chapter 2 ready to go!

* * *

"Look, it won't be that bad. Be confident for once. Goddesses, you've saved Hyrule how many times and you're afraid to ask a girl out on a date?!" Navi shrieked.

It took most of the afternoon to finally force Link out of the forest to ask young Malon out on a date. He just knew he was going to be called a fairy boy one too many times for his liking. He also knew he would never hear the end of it from Navi and Tatl.

At almost sunset, he arrived at Lon Lon Ranch where an eager Malon greeted him.

"Fairy Boy! What brings you all the way out here? Epona's okay, right?"

"Yeah, uhh… She's fine. See?" said Link as he allowed Malon to inspect his horse.

"You've taken care of her. I'm surprised."

"Oh thanks. I see how much confidence you have in me."

"Don't be silly. So what brings you here?"

"I was umm… Going to see… Uhh…"

"Stop stalling, Link!" screeched Navi from under his hat.

"I'm not stalling!"

"Link… Are you okay?" asked Malon.

"I'm fine! I mean, I'm fine. I wanted to see if you had anything planned this evening and wanted to go out with me."

"Yes! I'd love to! We could ride horses around the field and go to Lake Hylia to watch the sun set! I'll be ready in a minute!"

"Oh boy… I'm scared…"

"Now was that so hard?" asked Navi.

"Yes, you almost made me look schizophrenic!"

"But she doesn't think so and in my mind, it's perfectly fine."

"You fairies…"

"Were you talking to yourself again, Fairy Boy?" Malon asked as she walked up with her horse saddled.

"What? No!"

"You're interesting. Are you ready to go?"

"Sure. Let's go," said Link as he hopped on Epona and headed out of the ranch.

They started out mostly playing a game of horseback tag. Malon soon became bored with it and started thinking about Link's horsemanship skills. He seemed to be really good, but she wanted to know just how good he really was.

"So why don't you show me some of those good horseback skills?" she asked.

"What skills?"

"You know, like how smoothly you pull of jumps while riding? Maybe shoot a few targets?"

"Oh, that. Umm… No…"

"Pretty please?"

"Let me think… No."

"I know you're really good…" she started as she snuck up close to Epona, " I wish you'd show me!"

At that same moment, she slapped Epona and watched as Link shot off toward a fence.

"What did you do?! Crazy woman!" Link helplessly screeched.

He struggled to hold on to Epona as she came closer to the dreaded fence. He knew Malon had caused it since he refused to do any tricks for her. Any like he had for the girl was now gone as he wondered if he could get away with tossing her into the lake.

"Link! You look like a scared cucco! Pull yourself together!" Navi yelled in his ear.

"Easy for you to say. You have wings!"

"Doesn't matter! Hold on!"

He clinged to Epona as she jumped it with ease. Link started to rise out of his saddle. No amount of clinging was going to set him back down on it, and he knew it. Once landed, the horse immediately stopped and watched as poor Link went flying over her head into the nearest tree. Malon galloped up to him after collecting Epona.

"Link! Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm… great… How are you?" said a dazed Link.

"I guess we should just cut this short… Let's get you back to the ranch…"

"I'm good with that…"

Somehow after struggling to push Link onto Epona, they made it back to the ranch. Link began to come out of his daze once they entered.

"So what happened exactly?" he asked.

"You don't remember?"

"Yeah, I do. I was just hoping it didn't really happen," he said as he glared at her.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean to get you hurt or anything."

"I know. I'm fine. I'm just going to get some rest for awhile…"

"Would you like me to ride with you back to your home?"

"No! It's fine really. I'll be okay."

"Okay… I did have fun. Thank you…"

"No problem…"

He started on his way back and for once, Navi didn't say anything until they were home where Tatl greeted them with nonstop questions.

"So how did it go? Tell me!" she begged.

"I told you, you're going to get me killed one of these days, Navi! I like being in one piece and not attached to a tree!"

"Was it really that bad?"

"Forgive me for trying to get you to do something with your free time!" Navi argued back.

"I'd like to still be alive to enjoy my free time!"

"You're still alive now, aren't you?!"

"Oh great. I'm going to bed… I knew I should have stayed in Termina with my brother…"

"I can't believe you'd try to get me killed!"

"I can't believe you'd accuse me of that!"

* * *

Ice: We all know Malon can't be that bad… Just bad enough… So tell me if you liked it. No idea who I'm doing next. Just have to raffle for it.


	3. Saria

Ice: Woo! Chapter 3 and another date. I love Link, but he needs to get out more often…

* * *

The next morning, Link woke up still nursing a bruised forehead. He knew it was Malon that did it, but couldn't help blame his fairy companions for setting him up. If only they would back off his dateless status a bit, he would be happy. Fat chance of that happening.

"You know we're sorry. We didn't think she'd be crazy like that!" screeched Navi.

"So what about this forest girl? She seems nice and not crazy," Tatl suggested.

"If I so much as get in a position where I'm going to get hurt, I'm running as fast as possible," stated Link.

"Some hero you are…"

With that, Link made sure the lump on his head had gone down before setting out to the Sacred Forest Meadow. Saria was always there playing her ocarina and talking with the forest spirits. Link thought she was a little loopy for doing so, but that was because he couldn't hear them.

He eventually made his way through the Lost Woods avoiding the Skull Kids that always weirded him out a bit much. The Sacred Forest Meadow wasn't much better. He hated the wolfos that tried to eat him every time he entered and despised the mad scrubs that would shoot nuts at him constantly. He felt it was too much work just to ask a girl out.

"Saria? Are you out here?" Link called thinking he should have checked her house first.

"Link? Is that you? What are you doing out here?" she responded.

"Umm… Nothing. I just came to see you," he said as he inched closer to her wary of anything that might try to eat him.

"Really? That was nice of you."

"Truth is… Umm… Would you like to go out with me?"

"Sure! What did you have in mind?"

"I… Umm… Didn't really have anything in mi-"

"Oh! I know! We can explore the temple some!"

"The temple? Great…"

"Let's go! We can climb that tree to get in. It's easy."

"Oh joy…"

Link watched as Saria scaled the tree. Sure, it looked easy, but was it really? Link cautiously started climbing carefully placing his feet. The last thing he wanted was to fall. Once he reached the top, he didn't see Saria anywhere.

As he looked all around for her, she crept behind him and touched his shoulder. He immediately screamed and leaped to cling to the tree.

"It's only me, silly."

"What in the name of the Goddesses do you think you're doing? Are you trying to kill me?!"

"No… I thought you could handle it. You know, since you're the Hero of Time and all."

"Yeah, well…"

He allowed himself to be helped back up and they walked into the front of the temple. When they got in, he saw the slain wolfos that Saria had just killed.

"Wow. Not bad really. Where did you learn that? I thought you liked all the critters in the forest?"

"Well sometimes they just can't be tamed so I have to negotiate a bit. Usually they die."

"Charming."

"I want to show you something. Close your eyes and I'll lead you, okay?"

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, now close them."

"If you say so…" Link reluctantly closed his eyes and was lead through the door.

She backed him up to what he thought was midway through the hall. Just what was she planning?

"Can I open them now?" he asked as heard something slide down.

"Sure," she said cheerfully.

"Okay…"

He slowly opened them as he turned his head to the source of the sound. Suddenly he wished he hadn't opened them.

"OH MY FREAKING GODDESSES! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" he shrieked as he ran as fast as possible out of the temple and forest.

"I just wanted to show you my new friend…" Saria said quietly to his dust trail.

Link continued to run all the way home not daring to look back. The last thing he wanted to see was the many eyes and pincers of a giant Skulltula in his face.

_Just what was she thinking? There's no way I'm going near there again_, he thought.

* * *

Ice: So tell me what you think as I try to figure out who's up next. Read and review and thanks to those that reviewed the last chapter. Lollipops for everyone!


	4. Agitha

Ice: Sorry it's taken me so long to update this one. Almost forgot all about it.

* * *

A day had passed since our hero recovered from his fright at the Forest Temple with Saria. He knew the fairies were going to aggravate him again this morning. It was a risk he was willing to take when he hopped out of bed.

"Well, it's about time you got up. Geez. How could someone as lazy as you save Hyrule?" Tatl nagged.

"Tell me about it. I wondered this every day myself from the moment I had to slam into his head to wake him up. I still don't know how he managed it," agreed Navi.

"Yeah, yeah, keep talking about me as if I wasn't here. It's fine, no really, do go on."

Link ambled towards a chair to sit and think about what he should do today. There was so much he could be doing, more horseback training, more archery practice, sword practice, dates… Wait, no. Scratch that.

"You know, that Agitha girl was kinda cute. You should go talk to her today," tried Navi.

"Who…? OH! NO! NO WAY! Not that creepy bug chick…" Link whined.

"Bug chick? Now this I have to hear," Tatl settled in to hear the details.

"Well, news travels from the spirits and all that and I heard…"

"She's obsessed with bugs. Bottom line. Bug freak," Link interrupted.

"Wow, I could have told that so much better. Thanks, elf boy," Navi shot back.

"I just think that's a really bad idea… But if you insist… I guess it couldn't hurt…"

"Elf boy and bug freak. That's adorable right there," Tatl giggled like a school girl.

Link shot them evil glares as he walked out the door. He knew this was going to be trouble, but you can't explain that to a fairy. He continued on his way to Hyrule Castle Town and suddenly found himself at Agitha's doorstep.

_I have a bad feeling about this…_

He knocked on the door and when no one answered, he got worried and walked in. Immediately, a pot was thrown at his head.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking? Were you raised in the woods or something? Oh… It's you… Of course you were raised in the woods…" Agitha said as she walked towards him from the back of the house.

"I hate you…" Link mumbled under his breath.

The self-proclaimed "princess", Agitha, had a habit of being annoying as if her bug collecting habit wasn't bad enough. Link tried to remember to be nice, but his patience were already running out.

"So what did you want?" she asked.

"I… Umm… Came to ask you out on a date… But actually, I have some errands to run…" He tried to change his mind and leave, but she caught on too quickly for the poor hero.

"Really? A date? Oh, wow! Can we go to the park? Pretty please? I love it there!" She clung to his arm begging. How could Link say no to that…

A few moments later, Link and Agitha were walking through the courtyard "park" outside the town. Link was still mortified looking at all of the spiders hanging in their webs when he had seen some that could eat the two of them in one bite. Agitha was thrilled and pointed out the different kinds to explain them to him.

"And that one right there is a garden spider! You can see its black markings on its yellow body. It writes in the web and draws bugs to it for dinner! Is that not so cool? And if anything gets too close to it, it swings back and forth to jump out! It's so exciting!" she went on.

"Yeah… Exciting…" Link was beginning to turn pale when he saw it thrashing about to pounce on Agitha. He instantly grabbed her and moved her back as it jumped. Unfortunately, it landed on him.

"Holy Goddesses! Get it off! Get it off! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as he ran for the fountain and jumped in.

"But you'll kill it! Don't drown it! It was only protecting itself!" Agitha called to him.

"Yeah, well, I'm protecting me!" He yelled back as he thrashed around in the water.

When he was satisfied upon seeing it's dead body floating in the water, he climbed out vaguely aware of the stares around him. He grabbed Agitha by the arm and began to lead her back to town.

"I… I had a good time…" she said as they walked up to her door.

"Yeah…"

"I'll…see you later? Maybe?"

"Maybe…"

She closed the door, and Link, looking like a drowned rat, walked off to find Epona. He knew he was going to get an earful for this one, but he didn't care. The girl was a bug freak and he was a coward. He walked up to his home and sighed before opening the door. Navi and Tatl immediately flew up to him.

"How did it go?" Nave screeched.

"You…uhh… You don't look so good…" Tatl commented.

"I rolled around in a pond to drown a spider that jumped on me because of that bug freak girl!" Link yelled as he stormed off to bed.

"Wow… She must be something…" said Navi.

"Must be… Poor thing… Eh, he'll get over it and live. It's cool, right?" asked Tatl.

"Yeah, it's cool."

* * *

Ice: The way I have Hyrule imagined, everyone moved into one Hyrule from across the games. Cremia and Romani will be featured at some point as sisters of Malon probably. We'll see what I do about it. As always, read and review! ^_^


	5. Ruto

Ice: Yay an update!

* * *

The next morning Link woke up looking absolutely terrible from his previous ordeal with Agitha. He nearly drowned himself in a pond and still wasn't look his best after sleeping it off. He groaned as he was pulling a chair out to sit at the table.

Navi opened a window and Link groaned even louder as he tried to cover his face.

"Well, you look bad," Navi commented.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up," he whined back.

"Seriously, you need to do something today. You need to workout actually. You're too lazy and getting chubby."

"Definitely chubby from all the good food I eat…not."

"That's it. You're going out mister. You're going to go do some swimming at Lake Hylia and work off some of your laziness," Navi demanded as she pulled Link out of his house by the ear.

He gave up any thought of protesting, and did whatever Navi wanted just to shut her up. He rode Epona in silence to the lake all the while praying Navi didn't make him swim a thousand laps.

They strode up to the island where Navi demanded he get off, hop in the water, and swim twenty laps around the island.

"TWENTY? Are you trying to kill me?"

"Nope, trying to get you back in shape, _hero_. Now go on. Hop in."

"Why you…," he grumbled as he jumped in and began to swim around the island.

Two laps in, the hero was getting tired and slowing his pace to just barely treading water. He was doing his best to keep his head above the water while Navi just laughed at him.

"See? This is proof that you're out of shape. This'll be good for you," she laughed.

"Yeah, yeah…," he grumbled as he struggled to stay afloat.

He tried to continue his laps, but eventually decided it was not worth his life drowning. Suddenly he felt something brush by his leg.

"WHOA WHAT WAS THAT?" he yelled.

"A fish. You know, the things that live in the lake," Navi replied as she continued sunning herself on the island.

"That was way too big to be a fish…," he mumbled as he tried to search for the "fish" that bumped his leg.

He cautiously swam towards the island trying to assure himself that there were no sharks in the lake. He had a bad feeling about his fate the closer he got.

_Please just let me make it to land… Please…,_ he thought.

"HI!"

"BLARLARLARLLARGHGHGH!" Link yelled as he started taking in water.

The Zora princess, Ruto, decided she earned a day of swimming all to herself and just happened to stumble upon the Hero of Time doing the same. Link was definitely ecstatic over it as he struggled even more to keep his head above water.

"Oh no, let me help you! I didn't mean to startle you!" Ruto cried as she dragged him to land.

He laid there spitting water out for several minutes while Ruto looked on horrified. Navi flew over to see what was going on and doubled over in laughter at Link for being frightened by a zora.

"You certainly are some hero. Just look at you! A zora now scares you! What happened to all those stalfos that used to scare you?" she laughed.

"Shut…up…"

"Link, I'm so sorry! I guess that's no way to treat my future husband. I shouldn't just appear out of nowhere to surprise you…"

"Oh, this is priceless! Oh, wow, it hurts!" Navi couldn't help, but crack up as the princess referred to Link as her "future husband". She couldn't count how many times in the past Link had talked about her being obsessive and scary. He did everything he could to stay as far away from her. This only made his case even stronger as he would certainly say she caused him to almost drown.

"Please be okay… I didn't meant to scare you… I'm so sorry…," Ruto continued to sob, "I'll just go back… I'm sorry…"

Link was still sputtering water as he watched her retreat back into the water heading for the secret warp that would take her back to Zora's Domain. He stayed silent for a moment making sure she was indeed gone.

"YOU SAW THAT RIGHT? THAT CRAZY PSYCHO ZORA TRIED TO KILL ME! AND SHE STILL THINKS I'M GOING TO MARRY HER!" he yelled as he lost his composure.

"Oh relax. She at least dragged you back to land before you sunk. You should have at least thanked her for saving your life."

"IF SHE HADN'T SCARED ME, I WOULDN'T HAVE ALMOST DROWNED!"

"Yeah, yeah, come on crybaby. Let's get you home. Honestly, I can't take you anywhere."

Link continued to mumble and whimper about the day's events as he road back to his home in the Kokiri Forest. He stumbled in and collapsed on his bed. Tatl had been sitting on the table eating some lunch after getting Navi's note about going to the lake. She looked at Link sound asleep on the bed and then at Navi who was grinning.

"Ruto?" Tatl asked.

"Ruto," confirmed Navi.

They broke out into laughter as Link groaned and hid his head under the pillow.

* * *

  
Ice: Not an actual date, but with Ruto… You know how it goes…


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